Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
