Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
