i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
