the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
