he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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