On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
They have beer where we have blood.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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