I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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