There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
