I want to have your abortion
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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