Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
