The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
