Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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