He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
