I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
