That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Randomize
