So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Randomize
