I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
