In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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