Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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