why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
