Your face is a jimmy john
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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