Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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