I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Fuck appropriateness.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Boobs are out for the taking
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
