I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
