Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
