so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
