I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Dick very happy bro
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
