She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Randomize
