when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
