I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
