I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
My vagina is officially offended.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
