haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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