My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
