He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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