I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
He better not be in your backpack
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Randomize
