so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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