we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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