Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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