What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
