The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
