I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
