It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I'm not really sure actually. until I fell in love with a boy (which was just a few weeks ago) I thought my attraction to men was purely physical.
so you were gay...and then you realized you were EVEN MORE gay
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
