two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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