The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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