so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
