i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
