And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
