plz talk dirty to me
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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