And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
