did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
