And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
