So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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