please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I will pee on everything he values.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
