you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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