What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
